Home of Portland's premier Unicycle Gang: the Unicycle Bastards > Doper Articles > I have A Wide Stance

9/05/07

I have a wide stance?

love,

Ivan Wydestanz

DOpEr RIdEs!

A column

10/27/08

From the archives yet again (happy thanksgiving to most of you!)

CRY BAN PUBES NOT FLAN

One wheeled egos Upset and crying Where IS the mommy? This man presents challenges. I don’t like what he’s saying.

UNCLE MONTY’s HAIR IS GRAYING!

Instanly like oatmeal forum Queen deems ban irrepantsless of efforts by daring daring dan

YUBAN.

Mysteriously like Liquid Plumber The ban itself becomes banned. Can’t hold the question, Queen: are you a cutter? or a runner?

YES! YES! ALMOND BUTTER!

Childhood memories repressed. The sand in your pants itches. the robes may have made you undressed. Yet it is I who am flicking your switches.

SANDWICHES!

Now Stand I say! Off to group! Make the wallets! The Lanyards! The Moccasins! Work and time may belay the hating, berating, complaining.

THE MOON IS WAXING, NOT WANING!

So ban away don’t listen. “Why can’t people be like me?” That man stirs the hive. “you poopy-doody. not like me” One wheeled wonders seek external validation. “But I’m cool. My mom said so” Would that My words cause reflection.

“I’m making a linux based unicycle out of my own pubic hair.”

LOVE ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRING IT

Love, Doper

10/24/08

FROM THE ARCHIVES

No no no no.

the opposite.

nothing you want.

poop on floor.

no no no no .

contrary to your opinion.

pee on the floor.

i love you.

no, actually.

love, Doper

9/11/08

DEAR BIKE POLO GUY

BREAKING NEWS !!!!!

I recently discovered (through unnamed sources) that our resident VANDAL is a woman!? A female!? a girl!? Usually, this half of the human population is not prone to acts of vandalism. That said, I’m still running with the following letter as I feel that it is more than appropriate. Enjoy!!

Dear Bike polo guy,

A sharpie? Is that all you’ve got? Is that really the acme of your creativity? Is that ….... Oh wait one minute!! I think I’ve seen your work!! Yes! It’s all coming to me now! -In the bathroom of the Baldock rest stop on interstate 5, right? You know, the delightfully rendered vulva seamlessly integrated into the erstwhile screw holes from a bygone ass-gasket holder. How erotic! How racy! How unique! When is your next show? I simply MUST commission one of your truly original works!!

Seriously, a sharpie???? You sign your mother’s ass-gasket screw hole vulva portrait with that pen?

My art ain’t democratic