Home of Portland's premier Unicycle Gang: the Unicycle Bastards > Doper Articles > Bottom Bracket

9/10/07

Portland, Oregon.

Forest Park: the largest urban forest in the nation. Home to deer, racoon, bear, cougar, rat, gopher, tick, slug and uncountable species of flora. Hikers, runners, and dog walkers are frequently sighted on the trails and fire roads. On this day, however, the park is host to a special visitor. Rather, a troop of special visitors. Unlike the plodding joggers and hikers, these temporary denizens of the forest seem to swoop and dive. Graceful and silent, they ride over duff, mud, and rocks. They rule the forest.

Yet these forest travelers are strange enough to cause passersby to stare and gawk. Sometimes they are frightened. Sometimes they shout out words of encouragement; “way to go!” “Good job!”. Occasionally an attempt at humor is made; “Why the extra wheel? You have brain damage and need the crutch?”.

The travelers call themselves “Mountain Bikers”. What they ride is like a standard off-road uni, but with an extra wheel which allows the biker to steer with his hands. The brakes are not the riders legs, but instead, the riders rely on calipers, rotors, cables, and other hardware to reduce their velocity. At times, the extra wheel allows the rider to roll at heretofore unheard of speeds in excess of 20MPH.

This all may sound strange. You might be tempted to think of this of this all as a fad. But when I performed a local interwebinformationnetsuperhighway search of the portland area, I was surprised to find several Bike retail shops(at least 6!), organized races, clubs (both competetive and social), and a burgeoning manufacturing industry.

Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I decided to investigate the Biking scene. I chose to go undercover and pose as a biker. I selected a local Bicycle retailer at random and dove right in. My mission (cue mission impossible theme) was to purchase a Uni tire tube without raising suspiscion that I was not, in fact, a biker. At first when I entered the store, I was amazed at the variety of Bikes available for purchase. “How could there possibly be this much interest in such a silly sport?” I thought to myself. To my relief, I was greeted with open arms. I was welcomed into the store and asked, almost immediately, if I needed any help. I told the employee what I needed and he directed me to an ENTIRE WALL of unicycle/bike tubes! Needless to say, I was a bit overwhelmed. To my surprise, the employee helped me choose my tube without a hint of judgement or suspiscion in his eyes. He , nor anyone else, didn’t seem to give a whit that I was purchasing a product for such a wierd endeavor such as bicycling. Everyone seemed happy to see me and as a bonus, there were no probing questions! I had one more task to perform at the retail store before I left. I sent my partner in crime in after I exited with instructions to buy a handful of uni spokes. His report floored me! It seems that after my exit from the store, there was no repercussion in the form of rumors or gossip! Everyone was going about his/her business! Wild! Yet sooo refreshing. Think about it- Both myself and my partner were able to enter a bike retailer with currency in hand, purchase what we needed and walk right out, all while constantly feeling comfortable and safe!

So, my brothers, you may feel that Bicycling is a funny thing to see, but viddy this; If my experience at the retail biking store is any indication of the future of this funny little sport, then lookout! two wheels may very well be twice as many as one wheel! You didn’t hear this from me, but a certain long suffering narrator is reported to be considering buying a little something called a “bottom bracket”.....and…..and…GET THIS…....no one cares.

-Doper