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6/19/07

Not in service update: Greg Larsen, a supervisor at trimet, apparently likes cheesy-poofs so much that he “would never dare to pull his kids in a bicycle trailer (but that’s just him)”. This is a direct quote, O my brothers. Well, I added the cheesy poofs bit for flair. But besides obviously not being a fan of teaching children the merits of healty, empowering travel options, perhaps he knows a secret…...?

After more than a week of silence from trimet, your long suffering narrator decided to shove the proverbial carrot up the donkey’s ass (get it? “donkey’s ASS?) and call trimet and ask why they haven’t yet fired driver #2823 after she tried to kill an innocent toddler?

What did Greg Larsen tell me? “Well I assure you sir that she (the crazy dvotchka from bus #2823 ) is really shaken up about the whole incident and she guarantees that it will never happen again. She has been given appropriate counseling, I assure you. She wasn’t trying to hit the child. She was pannicked because she couldn’t cross the intersection”. IT? what the hell was the “IT” that she will never do again if indeed it was not actually ATTEMPTING TO KILL A SMALL CHILD !!!! “PANNICKED”!!!! Kiss my ass! Why would anyone “panic” because they can’t get across an intersection in a friggin NOT IN SERVICE bus???? Anyone who “panics” when unable to cross a street should NOT BE DRIVING A BUS !

Next, Greg Larsen attempted to blame the parent of the toddler for not getting out of the way of the careening bus. “I can’t imagine why (the Parent) didn’t get out of the way”( apparently the bus has a camera that caught the action). O, my brothers, That statement steamed me! Blame the parent? Again, proceed with the buttocks smooching! Ever see a deer in car headlights? Those deer are so irresponsible and their judgement should be called into question. Especially by people whom I assume have an intimate relationship with their couch cushions (i.e. Greg Larsen?) I did not, however lose my cool. I calmy asked for the name of the driver so I could have a little personal chat. “NO” said Greg Larsen. What kind of counseling did crazy driver #2823 receive? “I can’t tell you” said Greg Larsen.

So, in the end, I do not know what type of discipline was given to this dangerous and unbalanced driver. Greg Larsen attempted to blame the parent for the near death of the toddler. Greg Larsen also attmpted to disparage the active lifestyle of the parent. And what is your poor long suffering narrator’s satisfaction level? Zero, my brothers, Zero.

What, pray tell, you ask, is Greg Larsen’s secret? He knows that some trimet drivers are deeply emotionally disturbed and utterly sociopathic! Of course he would never take his kids out for a ride in a trailer. He has firsthand and intimate knowledge of the psychosis present within the ranks of the trimet drivers. Even though he tried to blame the parent, I can’t blame him, can I?