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Unicycle Trail Riding

Decisions

So I’m going out for a trail ride. There is a first for everything. The choices: should I take the Torker 24” AX or the KH29; the choice might be obvious to anyone, but this KH is almost a virgin and I’ve ridden the Torker like a slutty whore for months playing polo. I’m still uncomfortable mounting the KH. The dice falls for the KH. It is time to break her in, time to see what she is good for.

So we meet up at Doper’s pad. There is Doper, MJ, Max, Jizz, Bearclaw, Bok and me. After ogling Doper’s funny cock for a brief moment and a test ride, we are off to Scappoose. We park by the ‘No Parking’ sign and unload our unis. The ride starts with a nice climb for perhaps a quarter mile and then Doper takes a left onto a small trail.

The Ride

The forest is a planted forest with pine trees growing in equally spaced rows, and the canopy is dense with little sunlight hitting us underneath. The trail is soft with no rocks at all and very little roots crossing our paths, gently rolling through the narrow trees.

I’m having a hell of a time staying on my KH. I’m riding only to test the softness of the trail with my hands, face, knees, and butt. At this point I’m starting to miss my Torker. I know if I had her, she would not let me down like my KH. I swear and hobble along trying to keep up. Luckily the pace is slow with many breaks.

As we continue riding, the KH has a change of heart and allows me to sit on her for the easier parts. My swearing gets less and less and I realize why people would go out into the wilderness with one wheel. It’s HELL-A FUN. The KH still throws my 130lb-ass off of her on steeper downhills like a cowboy on a rodeo bull. In fact I think rodeo is the closest to trail riding. You sit on a saddle grabbing your crotch with one hand and waving the other around like a epileptic having a seizure, trying not to get thrown off. And when you are thrown off you have to watch so Bok doesn’t run you over. Guess the only thing missing are the clowns. Perhaps Doper will let us bring a few next time.

Towards the end I get some nice long uninterrupted rides. I even conquer a 6” root to cheers from myself and Bearclaw. The joy of successfully riding a tricky section is great. This is what unicycling without a mallet is all about.

After Ride

Back at the trailhead we enjoy some Doper-supplied beer and give a blood offering to the 5 billion mosquitoes while we talk about our ride. Looking back, I’m glad I chose to ride the virgin KH. We now know each other intimately and I feel more comfortable on her.

So while I wouldn’t change the uni for the next ride, I do have a few changes I have to make:

  • Do not ride in jeans
  • install a brake for the downhills
  • buy a CamelBak (some insect repellent probably wouldn’t be such a bad idea either).

Mats

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