Max makes a black cock
Unicycle Bastards Black Cock Invasion
Hi, Onehole Terror here. As a wife of one of the Unicycle Bastards and frequent witness to their drunken antics and sophomoric musings, I’ve been asked to write up a piece about a semi-obscene unicycle handlebar that my husband Max built recently. It looks like half of a regular handlebar, but the Unicycle bastards call it the “Black Cock”. Max made up a batch of them and now there seems to be a “black Cock” invasion going on among the Unicycle bastards.
Onehole Terror: So what is the Black Cock?
Max: It’s a custom built unicycle handlebar that is welded underneath a regular unicycle seat. For the uni-gear heads out there, it uses 7/8” steel tubing welded onto the brake post on a Kris Holm rail adaptor. The “handle” is a “PBR” style grip with either a left or right twist. I radius the lift handle and fasten the bar to the seat handle to make sure that it will hold up. It can be installed on any Kris Holm, Velo or Nimbus unicycle saddle.
Onehole Terror: What does the Black Cock do for your ride?
Max: Though it looks sort of phallic on your unicycle, it makes almost every aspect of road and off road unicycling more fun: It gives you better control at speed by reducing wheel wobble and it provides a place to rest your hands and arms to take some weight off of the saddle on long rides. It also gives you better control off road to land bigger drops and pull up harder than you can with the girlie-man stock lift handle. I use the Black Cock for distance, unicross racing and unipolo. When you ride with the Black Cock, it’s like putting your entire unicycle on steroids
Onehole Terror: Ok, but how stiff is that Black Cock? And doesn’t it take a beating in crashes?
Max: You definitely don’t want to ride around with a floppy Black Cock. Stiffness is where the Black Cock design really shines. It is way stiffer than the other off-the-shelf unicycle handle bars. In a really big crash, the bar-end rubber plug might get damaged, but it’s like a $2 replaceable part. No one has ever broken or bent their Black Cock yet.
Onehole Terror: So which of the Unicycle Bastards are sporting Black Cocks these days?
Max: MJ, Zeke and Gunt – and I have them on all three of my unicycles. My 36” commuter unicycle even has an extra long double headed Black Cock for extra comfort at high speed {pic of double dong}
Onehole Terror: Say, isn’t it racist to call it a Black Cock?
Max: Not really. It is big and black and looks like an erect, yet oddly bent cock when you ride. You could replace it with another color of grip and grey might be a more fitting color, considering the advanced ages of some of the Unicycle Bastards.
Onehole Terror: What is the longest you have ridden on a Black Cock equipped unicycle?
Max: Two of us rode 102 miles in just over 11 hours at the 2008 Reach The beach ride you can see the video on youtube
Onehole Terror: What is the weirdest thing that you ever did with the Black Cock?
Max: Me, I just like to ride, but another Unicycle bastard actually accessorized his Black Cock with a frenum barbell piercing courtesy {Proof, pics of piercing and shop} of Black Hole Body Piercing
Onehole Terror: What’s your advice for any uni riders out there that are Black Cock curious?
Max: Well, I’ll be racing uni-cross at the River City Cross Crusade in the fall and of course unicycle polo every Thursday night at Alberta Park. So come on out and take a ride on one of the unicycle bastard’s Black Cocks. I think you will agree that once you go black, you’ll never go back.
Continue Reading…Posted by Doper on May 23, 2008
