Brake without Breaking the Bank

So you want a brake on your uni?

But you can’t afford a Hunter or KH Egocycle and you can’t justify yet another damn unicycle to your poor beleaguerd spouse or bank account, right?

I’ll bet you also don’t know nuthin’ about welding, right?

Well, you’re in luck! ‘cause I’m hear to tell you I’ve done it! Where? Right here in river city, and that rymes with pity which rymes with gritty and that stands for grit which you are about to get all up in your rim on account of your fabulous new brakes on your dusty old uni. Run on sentences rule!

So, here’s my “old” Uni:

why is it so sad??? It has no brakes. It's just a $40 frame with no braze ons.

But guess what? if you take a little trip to e-bay, you can score some brand new Magura calipers and a lever. New, used, it’s all there. I spent $5 for each caliper and $15 for the lever. Sweet! Here’s mine: I also bought this set of magura braze ons and mounting brackets from UDC. $28 plus $16.95 for shipping (damn! these people need a west coast distributor!)

Here they be. Now these pieces aren’t going to magically attach themselves to your cheap-ass frame. You need the skilled hands of a bicycle framebuilder. Here is David Feldman of Feldman Bike Repair in Vancouver Wa. (Sellwood cycle has his contact info)

Give David your uni, all of your parts, about a week, and $50 USD and here’s what you get in exchange! Hot diggity! (photo)

Now what about the appearance? It’s all Oogy and yucky. you say. This is my second Uni onto which David has affixed brake mounts. For my first, I simply have been lovingly applying rustoleum from a rattle can to the areas where the brazing process has destroyed the paint. Here she is. Tres manifique, no?

However, since my second uni came with a chrome finish, David has advised me to take more drastic action. He says the chrome in the penumbra of the brazing area will begin peeling off. Whoa, I am having flashbacks to the bitchin’ 60-wide chrome mags on my 1973 Chevy Nova SS. Peeling chrome….youthful indescretions…. But I digress. So for this uni, I am going to have it powder coated. What color???

Stay tuned…..

6/13/07 Part 2

I’m sorry. I was incorrect. In the first part of this column, I said “Give David your uni, all of your parts, about a week, and $50 USD and here’s what you get in exchange!” Well, actually if you give David all of your parts, about 4 weeksa and $40 usd and here’s what you get! Hot diggity!

I also mentioned in the first part that I would have to paint my uni after the brazeon process, didn’t I? Well golly shucks shazam! David Feldman is a genius! He figured out how to affix my parts to the cromed uni frame without ruining the chrome and therefore the is no need to paint! Now, mind you, I would love to have a T-Mobile Fuschia uni, but I would also like to NOT have to spend the extra time and effort on painting a frame. Halleluyah! Take a look at the finished product

I will have to use some kind of paint on the mounts themselves, but I have a few weeks to brush on a bottle of testors.

Did you also happen to notice the radical Ghetto -style brake lever mount hanging oh so rudely under the saddle? Take a look…. Guess how much it cost me to make. Give up? Zero Dollars!!! I had an old Mtn bike handlebar (which I cut into an appropriate size) and some copper plumbing hangers just lying around in my basement. I also had a rubber strip, the kind that is used to adapt small headlamps to the handlebars of commuter bikes. Again, Free. Awesome.

You are jealous.

Also, also, you won’t believe the ridiculous way that one installs the magura hydraulic hose onto the crossover barbed fittings. Totally crazy. After wasting about 11.2 decicentimegamillameters, I have become quite adept. Contact me if you ever need help.

Now go get your brake!

Love, Ira

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Posted by Ira on May 12, 2007

Plucked

Fellow single wheelers,

Within the same family of new ways to fall off a unicycle, we have a new term – the term falls into the same family as a seat-bounce, though differs significantly in execution. As the subject states, it’s the act of being ‘plucked.’

The act of being plucked is much more likely to be experienced while following one wheeled rather than two wheeled riding disciplines. This is not because of the number of wheels touching the ground. Being plucked can happen to anyone who isn’t bound to their steed using more than groin muscles to hang on. It’s the unique side effect of our strange little sport that doesn’t require the use of handlebars for personal stability and steering that can lead to one being plucked is easier on one rather than two wheels

I took my Coker up into Portland’s Forest Park yesterday to see how friendly Leif Erickson Road would be to a 36” wheel. Since I started my ride at the Convention Center, I only went 2.5 miles into the park because the point at which I turned around only accounted for the first 50% of my day and getting home was definitely on the agenda. I was heading out on the final downhill section a little prior to the Mile 1 marker. The trail was somewhat crowded with Sunday strollers and runners but the speed over the road with the tire humming was kickass so I kept pushing for more and more speed. I was riding a little behind a fairly fit runner and due to the extra traffic, was having trouble passing him with the aplomb necessary to avoid getting in his way once I got around in front of him. Finally, I saw my chance and stepped my speed up close to squirrelly-max as we rounded a corner. He stayed on the inside of the corner so, following one-wheeled NASCAR doctrine; I drifted outside and poured as much speed into my cranks as I could muster across the gravel road. Hand gripping my seat and standing on the pedals to increase power, I rounded the corner leaning hard so as to not loose any speed. I estimate I was just shy of a gazillion miles an hour.

My speed, the safely distant walkers and the running obstacle were all factors to be concerned with so I was more focused on immediate road conditions and missing the moving human pylons than watching for other distractions. My track took me under a gum tree hanging innocently over the trail when the new term became reality. Against all odds, a single branch met perfectly with the top left rear ventilation port of my helmet like a fishhook and summarily plucked me off my ride. My body stopped; dangling midway between horizontal and vertical by my helmet straps while my unicycle full of its own momentum kept the same pace…for a short time anyway. If disgrace is the opposite of grace, a unicycle without a rider defines disgrace. Time returned to normal as the tree bent enough to release me and deposit me lightly on the road with a minimum of fuss; when my helmet disengaged I was left more standing than not right in the middle of the road. My unicycle, having suddenly been freed of my speed retarding efforts, discovered said freedom and took off down the trail towards a woman with a double-wide jog stroller filled with babies. The absence of my body caused the seat to be dragged across the gravel until the whole contraption succumbed to gravity and thankfully tumbled to a stop against the steep side of the road.

The runner didn’t even slow down. All I heard as he came past was, “Maybe now we have a good reason to log all the trees out of this place.” And he was gone.

My neck is a little sore today though I do have great head mobility. I include a picture of the only evidence of what may be the world’s first plucking. It’s my helmet looking from the front towards the rear at the vent hole from which I momentarily dangled.

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Posted by Gunt on May 11, 2007